I have met many managers over the years. Capable, driven, committed people who carry significant responsibility and do so behind an impressive facade of control.
But behind that facade – I know this now after 25 years – it is often lonely.
The myth of the self-sufficient leader
There is an idea that a good leader should have the answers. Should know the way forward. Should project confidence and direction, regardless of what is happening around them.
In my experience, that idea does more harm than good.
Not because confidence and direction are wrong – they are important. But when it becomes a mask rather than a genuine state, it starts to cost. It costs energy to maintain. It costs honesty in the conversations that should be honest. And it costs trust – because the people around you usually sense when something is not right, even if no one says it out loud.
Asking for help is not a weakness
What I have seen in the managers I have worked with is that the most effective ones know when they do not know. They ask questions without being afraid of what it signals. They seek advice. They acknowledge when something is hard.
That creates something in an organisation that is difficult to build any other way. A culture where it is acceptable not to have all the answers. Where people feel safe raising problems before they have grown too large. Where honesty is valued above appearances.
In my experience, it always starts at the top.
It is about courage, not vulnerability
I know the word vulnerability is used a great deal in leadership circles these days. And I understand if it feels abstract or hard to swallow for someone who is used to delivering and performing.
So I prefer to call it something else: courage. The courage to say "I do not know – what do you think?" The courage to call someone and say, "I need to talk this through." The courage to not always keep up the facade.
That is not a sign that you cannot do the job. In my experience, it is one of the clearest signs that you actually can.
A personal reflection
I have been that manager myself. The one who keeps going, delivers, maintains the pace, and never really asks for help. For a long time, I believed that was a strength.
It took me a while – and a few setbacks – to understand that it was actually a strategy for avoiding vulnerability. And that strategy had a price I did not always see until afterward.
What I know today is that it is acceptable not to manage everything on your own. More than acceptable, in fact.
If you have thoughts, questions, or simply want to talk something through – feel free to get in touch. I am happy to have an initial conversation with no agenda.
Magdalena Hagström Ståhl
By M Consulting
Right person. Right place. Everything changes.