There is a type of feedback that is harder than most managers admit. Not the kind you give to someone who is underperforming. Not the debrief after a failed project.
Den svåraste feedbacken är den som ges till någon som presterar bra – men som har ett beteende som på sikt kommer att begränsa dem. Eller teamet. Eller båda.
That feedback gets postponed. Often for months. Sometimes for years.
Why we wait
It does not feel urgent. The person is delivering. The relationship is working. And there is always something more pressing on the agenda.
But what goes unsaid does not disappear into a vacuum – it accumulates in the person who should have heard it. And when it finally surfaces, often during a salary review or a reorganization, it is too late to be constructive.
What good feedback actually is
It is not a verdict. It is information – given at the right time, with the right intent, and specific enough for the person to actually act on it.
Psychologist John Gottman showed through his research on marriage that a relationship needs roughly five positive interactions for each negative one to function well – what became known as the 5:1 ratio. Losada and Heaphy applied the same principle to the workplace in 2004, studying 60 leadership teams. The findings pointed in the same direction: the highest-performing teams averaged 5.6 positive comments for every negative one, while the lowest-performing teams showed almost the reverse – close to three negative comments for every positive.
Den praktiska konsekvensen: för lite positiv återkoppling och den korrigerande fastnar som kritik, inte som stöd.
A question worth sitting with
Finns det någon i ditt team som förtjänar ett samtal som du ännu inte har haft?
Not because something has gone wrong. But because they deserve to know what you see – and what they can do with it.
If you have thoughts or questions – or simply want to talk something through – feel free to get in touch. I am happy to have an initial conversation with no agenda.
Right person. Right place. Everything changes.
Sources:
Gottman, J. M. (1999). The Marriage Clinic. W. W. Norton & Company.
Losada, M. & Heaphy, E. (2004). The Role of Positivity and Connectivity in the Performance of Business Teams. American Behavioral Scientist, 47(6), 740–765.
Psychology Today – The Gottman Ratio for Happy Relationships at Work (2022)
psychologytoday.com/us/blog/curating-your-life/202206/the-gottman-ratio-happy-relationships-work